2022年度第3回-準1級エッセイ課題

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お題（英検準１級・２０２２年第３回）

TOPIC:
Agree or disagree: The government should do more to promote reusable products

Points

Costs
Effect on businesses
Garbage
Safety

添削前の文

I think that the government should do more to promote reusable products. I have two reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, protecting the planet’s environment is important thing in recent years. Some studies have shown that one of the major causes of pollution is waste of products. By promoting reusable products, the number of garbage will decrease in the near future.

In addition, it is a good effect on businesses. Some countries all over the world are interested in SDGs. It is good way that Japanese government can participate in world’s economy by promoting SDGs.

In conclusion, for above mentioned two reasons, I think that promoting reusable products is a good think for governments because by doing it is good way to decrease a lot of garbage and interact with many countries governments all over the world.

この文章に対する、修正案は下記の通りです。なお、意図のニュアンスが変わらないように、修正案は原文ママとしています。
くりな的に重要だと感じたところは太字にしています。

原文	添削例
I think that the government should do more to promote reusable products.	good
I have two reasons to support my opinion.	不要
First of all, protecting the planet’s environment is important thing in recent years.	昔も大事だったので、「大事だとわかってきた」のほうがいいかな。planet’sもthingも不要
Some studies have shown that one of the major causes of pollution is waste of products.	disposable products のほうがいいかな
By promoting reusable products, the number of garbage will decrease in the near future.	garbageは不可算名詞なのでamountをつかう
In addition, it is a good effect on businesses.	itは何を指しているのでしょうか？代名詞を使う前に、具体的な名詞を使いましょう
Some countries all over the world are interested in SDGs.	間違いでは無いけど、どうやってつなげていくかだねは何を指しているのでしょうか？
It is good way that japanese government can participate in world’s economy by promoting SDGs.	itが何かまだわからないです、
In conclusion, for above mentioned two reasons, I think that promoting reusable products is a good think for governments because by doing it is good way to decrease a lot of garbage and intreact with many countries governments all over the wourld.	For the above mentioned reasons think=>thing by doing不要 a lot of =>the amount of 2番目の理由正直よくわからない