2022年第2回-準1級エッセイ課題

ここでは、実際に添削された文章を見てみましょう。

お題（英検準１級・２０２２年第２回）

● Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
● Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
● Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion
● Suggested length: 120–150 words

TOPIC:
Should people trust information on the Internet?

Points

Learning
News
Online shopping
Social media

添削前の文

I think that people should trust Information on the internet. Because of this, we can see the many types of news and the development of social media services.

First of all, currently, all over the world, we can see the number of news by companies. These days, the number of news companies is increasing and famous news companies are starting to provide news on the Internet. For example, a lot of famous newspaper companies are providing precise news on the Internet.

In addition, recently, we can see a lot of social media accounts on the Internet. In these days, we can use the number of social media services, such us Twitter, Facebook, and google. In these services, we can see the many types of accounts that common’s or specialist’s. We can choose trusted information accounts on the internet.

For these reasons, In think that people can trust the Information on the internet services.

この文章に対する、修正案は下記の通りです。なお、意図のニュアンスが変わらないように、修正案は原文ママとしています。
くりな的に重要だと感じたところは太字にしています。

原文	添削例
I think that people should trust Information on the internet. Because of this, we can see the many types of news and the development of social media services.	Because of this何を指しているのでしょうか？前に理由となるような文章が書いていないので意味不明です。
First of all, currently, all over the world, we can see the number of news by companies.	see the number of news by companies はどういう意味でしょうか？
These days, the number of news companies is increasing and famous news companies are starting to provide news on the Internet.	news companies=>news outlets? media companies? press outlets?
For example, a lot of famous newspaper companies are providing precise news on the Internet.	ok 現在進行形よりは現在形のほうが落ち着く
In addition, recently, we can see a lot of social media accounts on the Internet.	OK
In these days, we can use the number of social media services, such us Twitter, Facebook, and google.	Inは不要、a number of, such as あとGoogleはSNSではなくサーチエンジンです
In these services, we can see the many types of accounts that common’s or specialist’s.	On these platforms, the は不要,thatの後動詞がない、common’sはどういうことを指しているのでしょうか？
We can choose trusted information accounts on the internet.	OK
For these reasons, In think that people can trust the Information on the internet services..	information は小文字, servicesは不要